And we get more tonight! And tomorrow! And Monday! And Wednesday! I may never see my office again, because quite frankly, after going on ONE outing to the grocery store about 8 blocks away, I have two things to say:
1. Thank the gods they just passed the law that lets our local grocery stores sell beer and wine.
2. I WILL KILL ALL DALLAS DRIVERS WITH MY MINNNNNNND SLOW THE FUCK DOWN YOU INCOMPETENT JACKHOLES! Seriously! There is a TWO INCH THICK LAYER OF ICE ON THE ROAD. I don't care WHERE the fuck you have to be, because you are NOT going to get there whipping across lanes of a residential street at 45 MPH. Either call an ambulance or chill the fuck out.
Seriously. Less than a mile of travel and I narrowly avoided six separate accidents, only one of which was even partially my fault. (I was pulling into the left-hand turn lane from the main road to our particular street. The turn lanes, unlike the main lanes, don't even have the wheel-tracks-o-beaten-slush like the main road, they're still solid sheets of ice. So I slow down as much as I can beforehand and coast as gently over as possible before lightly hitting the brakes. Of course car goes OHAI I TRY TO FISHTAIL! Whereas I go "You're going 5 MPH, dumbass" and quickly correct it while skidding to a halt. However, since I'd been slowing way down in preparation, some guy had roared up my ass and made a move to pass me as soon as I started heading into the turn lane. Which means when I fishtailed I very nearly vehicularly hip-bumped his ass across two lanes of traffic. Fortunately I was good enough to correct the skid within the confines of the turn lane and his ass was saved.) The rest of them? People driving as if the ice didn't exist, or in some mentality of "OMG ICE WILL EAT ME MUST DO EVERYTHING AS FAST AS POSSIBLE TO GET OUT OF IT SOONER!!" and caroming around the roads and parking lots like hysterical yuppie pinballs.
Fuck the groundhog, I am not coming back out of my den for another 6 weeks.