Mel Hynes (takhisis) wrote,
Mel Hynes

OK actual recipe

NOTE: I have broken up ingredients by stages! Please read the whole thing before shopping to prep for this!

- a 2-4 pound pork loin roast, untrimmed. Amusingly, these are usually a HECK of a lot cheaper than the smaller, trimmer, pre-seasoned ones, which don't taste half as good.
- seasoned salt, OR: salt, paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, powdered thyme and dill, in equal portions.
- black pepper
- 2-4 cloves minced garlic, or 3-4 teaspoons out of a jar if you're like me (use the stuff up too fast for it to go stale)
- buncha rosemary, fresh or dried, OR Herbs de Provence
- buncha cardamom

Thaw roast, if it's frozen. Take it out of package, rinse. Dump on cutting board, fat-side up. Take a very sharp knife and pretend the roast is that horrible Significant Other you had in high school, the one who always borrowed your books and never gave them back, or when they did the pages reeked of pot, and they always flaked on your dates and when you asked about it later told you that you were "too repressed by the conventional standards of schedule" or "too clingy". The one who treated you like absolute crap but was suave enough to convince you and everyone else that it was your fault and you deserved it. You know. THAT one.

Oh yeah, you have a knife, right?

So by this time, the pork loin should be healthily peppered with a couple dozen deep stab wounds, which is exactly what we want, both for culinary and cathartic purposes. Take a teaspoon and stuff as much of the minced garlic as you can into the wounds, spreading whatever is left across the top of the roast. Sprinkle seasoned salt mixture, pepper, rosemary/herbs de provence, and a healthy sprinkle of dried cardamom over the roast, then stick it in a roasting pan or any non-stick or glass pan with at least 2" tall sides. Still fat-side up, btw.

- dry white wine
- apple cider vinegar
- beef stock
- cornstarch
- white pepper

Pour in (ON THE SIDE, NOT OVER THE HERB CRUST YOU JUST LAID) approximately 1/4 cup each of cheap white wine and apple cider vinegar. I usually eyeball it and judge by "glugs" but you want a mostly even mixture that surrounds the roast up to a half inch or so.

Plop the pan into a 350*F oven and let roast for at least an hour and a half, then start testing it with a meat thermometer. I usually let it go for 2 hours, as long as I make sure the juice in the pan is topped up (with the same mixture & proportions as original) it doesn't dry out. Once it's reached an anti-trichinosis internal temperature, take it out and let it sit for at least 10 minutes. This will get it to non-tongue-scorching temperatures, finish cooking the core, and seal in the marinade to keep the roast juicy. If you want gravy, move the roast to the carving board to sit, then add a cornstarch & water mixture to the pan drippings along with beef broth, salt, and white pepper, and whisk until it reaches desired thickness. Goes wonderfully over steamed broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, or any other vegetable you could name.
Tags: diet, recipes
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