J.: Huh. Supposedly we're under a tornado warning. Looks like we're in no danger, haw haw.
All Tornado Sirens in a 20-mile Radius: *GO OFF*
Me: >.< WHY DID YOU SAY THAT, YOU FOOL?! HAVEN'T YOU EVER SEEN A MOVIE?!
J.: Er... "At least things can't get any worse?"
Me: I will seriously kill you.
A few minutes later, J. is looking at the doppler radar on computer and I'm looking at the news report.
Both of us:
Me: Should I put the cats in the bathroom or something?
J.: Why? To piss them off?
Me: For protection or something?
J.: If the roof comes off I don't think that's gonna help.
Me: I meant if one of the windows blows out so they don't run through it or something.
J.: Nah, I think it'll be OK.
Local News: Heyyo! Tornado has touched down just outside Dallas. Here's a line on the map of its projected trajectory.
J.: That's... uncomfortably familiar.
Local News: It looks like it'll be crossing (major freeway) at (road name).
Me: I'M GETTING THE CATS.
J.: You sure?
Me: When the plotted direction of the tornado is the fucking intersection you give the pizza delivery guy as a cross street, it is TIME TO SHIT YOURSELF.
Local News: We assume an ETA of about 5 minutes!
3 minutes later:
Me: *bleeds from 10,000 scratches*
J.: *invents a new language to curse in*
Cat carriers: *are conspicuously empty*
Cats: (from various extremely small and high up hiding spots) YOU PEOPLE ARE FUCKING CRAZY.
Me: Okay, okay, okay. We've battened down everything we can. At least the cats are so freaked out they're hiding away from the windows and skylights. It's too late to leave.
J.: I probably have time to get smokes... OW!
We sit down and watch the news.
2 minutes later:
Us: *conspicuously neither dead, nor in Oz*
Local News: Welp, looks like the tornado's no longer on the ground, and the clouds seem a bit disorganized. It might still reform in (area far North of us), but blah blah blah...
Me: Wait, so our tornado just randomly lost its shit right before it got to us?
J.: They do that.
J.: I love this state!
Me: I'm still going to kill you, you know.