I turned to the internets, fully expecting to find out I was hosed. After a while I stumbled across an old home remedy that I figured was worth trying before giving up. I viciously soaked the stains in lemon juice, ground salt into them, and staked the offending garment out in the Texas sun, cackling evilly.
By the time Trin and I got back from shopping a couple hours later, the stains were completely gone. I was astounded.
I never knew laundry responded well to torture methods. Housework is about to get more interesting!