We had a good relationship. We did. We were together for 4 years, through good times and bad. We lived together, we shared pieces of each other, we hurt each other. We grew and learned and then went our separate ways.
Sweetie, you need to let it GO. I left you 11 years ago now (Doesn't time fly?). I understand that you're going through some trying times now, and you want to reconnect with all your exes, maybe it's a 12-step-program thing, but just listen to me, okay?
I know you don't want me back. You just want me to lend you money to spend on your new sweet thing. And while I feel for her, I really do, I just can't be that enabler. Times are tough all over hon, and though I still do love you, AS A FRIEND, I can't just hand you money to blow off on some little coed. It's not good for either of us. And I have to watch my finances now as well. Yeah. No, it's personal. No, we stopped being "personal" a decade ago, hon.
I've moved on. I've grown. I've learned four martial arts styles, gotten my motorcycle license, moved out of state, gotten married, and become the writer of a somewhat famous comic strip. I'm not the same person I was when I left you, and I'd wager you're not the same either. If nothing else, I'm hoping you had that horrible growth on your rear (Segundo Dormitorius) removed at some point. I just want the best for you, sweetie.
That said... you need to stop calling me every night. Seriously. I told you 2 months ago that I was laid off, due to my job being moved to Buenos Aires, and I am on a limited budget now. You said you understood. But now you're drunk-dialing me every night at dinner asking me to come back or at least loan you something until payday. Dude, NO. I will NOT be your enabler. We are OVER. I wish you all the best in the future but I will not be a part of it, okay? JUST LET IT GO.
And this is Texas, dear. If you show up on my lawn with a boombox playing Peter Gabriel I am within my rights to shoot you.
Platonic love, no kisses,