Mel Hynes (takhisis) wrote,
Mel Hynes
takhisis

Oh, PETA.

PETA just gets more and more cracktastic every time I see them. I actually feel bad for my loved ones who are vegetarian and vegan, because they're NOT the raving, hostile psycho-beasts PETA makes them out to be. ;)

Recently I was howling with laughter over their attempt to make kids stop eating fish by renaming them "sea kittens" and writing kids' stories about them... where the fish sea kittens are bitter and insane with grief over their eaten loved ones and plot the death of "land kittens" and their owners.

No, seriously.

Because THAT'S going to make a 6-year-old want to be nice to fish, right? Tell them that Charlie the Tuna wants to kill and eat Fluffy and you! Nighty-night!

But their most recent attempt to brainwash influence the kiddies is through a parody of the vastly popular video game Cooking Mama, by making their own ripped-off Flash version: Cooking Mama Kills Animals.

I have to admit, I've played it 5 times already because I am a sick and horrible person. But some of their "reality" effects are HILARIOUS. Did you know eggs are full of blood and feathers that burst out when you crack them? Also, when preparing a turkey, you leave the pinfeathers on, and make sure to remove the head only AFTER you've stuffed it. Make sure you didn't drain the blood out of the carcass either! Also, basting a turkey causes it to break out in diseased yellow boils. Trufax!

Of course, at the end you "convince" Mama to mend her ways and "go veg!" (Even if you were giggling gleefully whilst ripping out the turkey's organs), and you get to make a "tofu turkey". No, not even a Tofurkey. This thing bears as much resemblance to a turkey as a codfish does to a Scottish Fold. From what the game tells us, it's a block of tofu torn into moist wads, patted into a featureless mound, basted with a nameless brown "vegan liquid" and then randomly baked until it resembles a fecal zit the size of a basketball, at which point it magically sprouts carrots and you are treated to a .gif of Cooking Mama gleefully strangling hugging a turkey around the neck until its eyes bug out.

I don't think she's learned yet.
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