Mel Hynes (takhisis) wrote,
Mel Hynes
takhisis

I am not good at taking hints from the universe

My morning, in a blow-by-blow:

- Toss, turn, and wake up every 45 minutes due to stupid sleep temperature disparity
- Oversleep due to mis-setting the alarm
- Run around like proverbial headless chicken, with less squawking and more cursing
- Dash outside
- Be informed by nipples that HELLO YES IT IS FALL NAO
- Run back inside for coat
- Discover pile of cat vomit on coat
- Glare at recently-vacated-cat-spaced-shapes on sofa
- Run back to car
- Notice that license, work badge, and debit card are still inside
- Run back inside, leaving a trail of cursing that turns the air cerulean
- Grab required items
- Fail to notice debit card is only partially stuffed in back pocket
- Run back to car, stunning a few passing birds with language
- Jump into car
- Sit squarely on edge of debit card, folding card nearly in half and stabbing self in ass hard enough to break the skin
- Notice car is nearly out of gas
- Head to local gas station
- Realize credit card is still at home
- Spend 5 minutes swiping bent and mangled debit card before it takes
- Grab pump nozzle and realize previous user's hands were coated in motor oil
- Or silicone valve lubricant
- Absolutely one of those two and NOT POSSIBLY ANYTHING ELSE ESPECIALLY NOTHING ORGANIC
- Angrily grab paper towel from outdoor dispenser
- Wonder why paper towel went "crunch"
- Shriek and flail madly as angry, half-crushed locust the size of ring finger attempts to charge up sleeve and enact revenge
- Defeat insect with kung-fu grip, use approximately 10 billion more bug-free paper towels on hands
- Finish getting gas, pull out of station
- Pull onto freeway behind contractor's pickup truck
- Narrowly avoid peeing self as a sheet of plastic is wind-whipped out of the back of said truck and onto windshield like a giant jellyfish/facehugger hybrid
- Realize that hindsight is 20/20, but windshield sight is at 2%
- Pull hurriedly over to right shoulder
- Hear "BLAM! thupthupthupthupthup" from right front tire as you ease to a stop
- Rest head on steering wheel, wonder if calling in "cursed" is allowed by work
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