Mel Hynes (takhisis) wrote,
Mel Hynes

Behold my brilliance

As many of you know, my normal wardrobe consists of combat boots, jeans, and a large selection of tee shirts with pithy sayings on them. But I do like dressing up a bit for work and such, and yesterday's team outing took us to a local festival where I found, of all things, an Xian clothing store selling quite a lot of lovely things.

There was a large selection of the typical shirts with bible passages (although one had a burnt-velvet angel that was so cool I was tempted to get it anyway), poor parodies of popular tropes, etc. I almost grabbed a baby tee with a Rock Band style logo on the front and "ROCK LOVE ANGEL" in thick gothic script around it, but a look in the mirror reminded me I'm too chunky to wear a baby tee right now, even ironically.

There was, however, also a large selection of secular clothing that was really spiffy, mostly hand-painted or printed with a background in old Catholic fresco, Sailor Jerry, or vintage concert tee styles, with various patterns on top decked out in studs and rhinestones, usually fleurs-de-lis or gothic crosses. "Neat!" cried I, and dove in. I ended up with two long-sleeved lightweight shirts and a tank top, and was quite proud. I wore the first of the long-sleeved shirts to work today, as the A/C there is set somewhere between "Frigid" and "Corpse Storage".

Let me just pause to remind people that I am not USED to sparkly things. I have not worn sparkly things since I quit ice skating when I was 7. I am not committed to Sparkle Motion.

So I am driving groggily to work this morning and follow the freeway as it curves around in an Eastward direction. And HOLY SHIT MY CAR IS A DISCO BALL OMGWTF! I swerved slightly as a million points of light burst forth to fulfill Bush Senior's prophecy inside my Saturn, swirling and jiggling and half-blinding me as I jerked back into my own lane, calmed down slightly, and realized that this psychotic, impromptu planetorium display was actually coming from ME. Specifically, the huge metal-stud-and-tiny-rhinestone pattern on my chest, which explained why the in-car constellations were jiggling as I first hyperventilated, then started laughing hysterically.

I'm just glad no cops were around when I made the initial swerve. Because I don't think "I'm sorry officer, I was distracted by my tits" is going to hold up in any court of law.
Tags: humor, metaquotes
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