Mel Hynes (takhisis) wrote,
Mel Hynes
takhisis

Behold my brilliance

As many of you know, my normal wardrobe consists of combat boots, jeans, and a large selection of tee shirts with pithy sayings on them. But I do like dressing up a bit for work and such, and yesterday's team outing took us to a local festival where I found, of all things, an Xian clothing store selling quite a lot of lovely things.

There was a large selection of the typical shirts with bible passages (although one had a burnt-velvet angel that was so cool I was tempted to get it anyway), poor parodies of popular tropes, etc. I almost grabbed a baby tee with a Rock Band style logo on the front and "ROCK LOVE ANGEL" in thick gothic script around it, but a look in the mirror reminded me I'm too chunky to wear a baby tee right now, even ironically.

There was, however, also a large selection of secular clothing that was really spiffy, mostly hand-painted or printed with a background in old Catholic fresco, Sailor Jerry, or vintage concert tee styles, with various patterns on top decked out in studs and rhinestones, usually fleurs-de-lis or gothic crosses. "Neat!" cried I, and dove in. I ended up with two long-sleeved lightweight shirts and a tank top, and was quite proud. I wore the first of the long-sleeved shirts to work today, as the A/C there is set somewhere between "Frigid" and "Corpse Storage".

Let me just pause to remind people that I am not USED to sparkly things. I have not worn sparkly things since I quit ice skating when I was 7. I am not committed to Sparkle Motion.

So I am driving groggily to work this morning and follow the freeway as it curves around in an Eastward direction. And HOLY SHIT MY CAR IS A DISCO BALL OMGWTF! I swerved slightly as a million points of light burst forth to fulfill Bush Senior's prophecy inside my Saturn, swirling and jiggling and half-blinding me as I jerked back into my own lane, calmed down slightly, and realized that this psychotic, impromptu planetorium display was actually coming from ME. Specifically, the huge metal-stud-and-tiny-rhinestone pattern on my chest, which explained why the in-car constellations were jiggling as I first hyperventilated, then started laughing hysterically.

I'm just glad no cops were around when I made the initial swerve. Because I don't think "I'm sorry officer, I was distracted by my tits" is going to hold up in any court of law.
Tags: humor, metaquotes
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 30 comments
Previous
← Ctrl ← Alt
Next
Ctrl → Alt →
Previous
← Ctrl ← Alt
Next
Ctrl → Alt →