Mel Hynes (takhisis) wrote,
Mel Hynes
takhisis

A day in the life of a geek.

Me: Okay, so thanks to friends pimping at me, I'm determined to try at least a month of Age of Conan. I'm clear on the min requirements, but as I learned from Oblivion, that usually won't cut it. But the only thing I'm bare-min on is memory, since I only have 1 gig. I only have one gig? What the fuck? How did that happen? Do I have RAM gnomes? OFF TO THE STORE!

Computer store lackey: Hi, li'l lady! Are youuuuu looking to buy a COM-PYOO-TARR?! We have these DELLS that-

Me: Yeah, no. Where's your memory? I've been up and down the aisles here like five times, and--

Lackey: Ohh, that's for UPGRADING! I'm sure you're looking for a shiny new LAPTOP, right? We've got three aisles of them right over--

Me: NO. Thanks. Have computer, need RAM. DDR, 400mhz, paired 1 gig sticks, s'il vous plait.

Lackey: Here's a whole bunch of DDR2!

Me: ...how nice for you. Can you show me what I ASKED FOR, PLEASE?

Lackey: Oh, DDR doesn't exist any more. You'll have to upgrade your motherboard. Can I show you our--

Me: I can kick your testicles through your sinuses.

Lackey: Oh you mean THIS DDR RAM?! Silly me, why didn't you say so? Yes, here's all three of our offerings.

Me: Wait, WHAT.

Lackey: Yeah, we had a clearance on those 1 gig sticks of DDR that I said we didn't ever carry so we're all sold out.

Me: So when do you restock?

Lackey: Oh, we're not. Everyone just uses DDR2 and Vista now, y'know.

Me: *twitch* Fine, I'll take a matched pair of 512's then, since they're still cheap and better than nothing.

Lackey: Are you sure you don't want to upgr- *oh god the eyes, the eyes are full of hate and death* YES OKAY HAVE A GOOD DAY MA'AM!

~~later, in the computer boudoir~~

Me: Hunh, the 512's I have in here are split out. Weird, I could have sworn I had a matched pair. Guess that's what age does to the memory, har har! Let's slap them together and stick the new pair in and see what happens!

Computer: LA LA LA LIFE IS GOOD LIFE IS HAPPY URK.

BSOD: I AM CRYPTIC!

Me: Balls.

Internets: Hey, if you force this sneaky rebuild of your virtual pagination file this can fix your problem!

Me: Woot! *fixes*

Computer: LA LA LA LIFE IS GOOD LIFE IS GACK.

BSOD: Totally different problem! FOOLED YOU!

Internets: Microsoft says to fix this by taking out the new RAM and forgetting about the whole thing.

Me: I refuse to accept this!

Internets: DO NOT DEFY THE WILL OF MICROSOFT!

Me: KYOOOOOOOO!

Internets: HIYAAAAA!

Battle: *KATANAS CLASH*

~~many, many hours and driver updates and reboots later~~

Me: All right, all right, something is severely fuxxored here, I'll take out the new RAM.

Internets: HA!

Computer: All is back to normal! The status quo has been restored! Peace has returned to HURRK.

BSOD: WHAT A TWEEST!

Me: OH NOW WHAT THE FUCK.

Internets: ...don't look at me, dude.

Me: JESUS FUCKING WEPT, SERIOUSLY! THE ONLY THING THAT'S DIFFERENT IS THEY'RE IN PAIRED SLOTS NOW INSTEAD OF SPLIT OUT, WHICH DIDN'T EVEN MAKE FUCKING SENSE SINCE IT'S A PAIRED SET unless one of the slots is borked, I guess, fuck, I'll swap the chip back over... crap, I can't SEE under this desk, where's my flashlight... *click* hey, why are the slots colored alternately? It's almost like OH MY FUCKING GOD.

Cats: *wisely flee to other end of house*

So, long story short, new RAM is working just fine, and don't try to install new hardware in the dark, no matter how well you think you know your motherboard.
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