J: Just got the weirdest damn craving.
I want a glass of Guinness and a bowl of Swedish meatballs.
*checks for fever*
Me: ...you're pregnant!
You whore! Who's the mother?!
J: I THINK IT WAS YOU.
Me: Bull! I know for a fact that at last testing my sperm count was zero! You floozie!
J: I'VE BEEN PUTTING FERTILITY DRUGS IN YOUR DIET COKE.
Me: U LIE I AIN'T YO BABYMOMMA
J: I'M KEEPING THIS CHILD
Me: I WANT A DNA TEST WE ARE GOING ON MAURY BEEYOTCH
I kind of feel sorry for anyone monitoring my email at work. XD