The one amusing bit keeping me from complete homicide:
When I noticed the leaks, I tossed a kitchen bowl under the worst one and dashed for towels. As I came back into the room, I saw Caramon lard-hustle as fast as he could over to the bowl on the floor to steal some of my "food" before I got back. He stuck his head into the empty bowl, blinked in confusion...
Right on the back of his head. I think he cleared three feet straight up.
After he finally unwound himself from being a fat fuzzy piece of modern art, he looked over to where I was leaning against the doorframe, wheezing with laughter. He gave me a look that clearly said "THAT. Was the DIRTIEST trick. EVER." and stomped off to sulk under the desk.
Man, my sides hurt. Hee.