Mel Hynes (takhisis) wrote,
Mel Hynes

Tales of the Wicked Stepmother

Just put the kidlet to bed. She usually requests that I "take her a bath" and then read her stories before bed, which I am more than happy to do. This usually involves the bathtime imagination-story saga of The Tub On the Ceiling (courtesy of an old magnetic fishing game rod), the ongoing adventures of the Magic Pony Family who are constantly giving swimming lessons and teaching their kids to eat frogs and snake milkshakes, or The Epic TV Show, which involves a giant lizard and a pterodactyl fighting over a monstrous foam doughnut while a glowing pufferfish pees on them.

Ah, to be 6 again.

Afterwards it was storytime. Since it's the weekend, she gets to have 2 stories that she gets to pick. The first one was a Pokemon storybook that we picked up at the first CAPE convention. She insisted that she wanted to show me how well she can read now, so I said fine. First mistake. She can read very well, this is no problem. However, she wanted to read not only every line, but every subline, chibi subtext, counter-sarcasm, and sound effect. In your average pokemon manga this comes out to approximately 25 minutes of dialogue per page. >.<

The second story was Mickey and Donald Explore the Haunted Mansion. Trin declared she could do a better Mickey voice than me (I try to be a good evil stepmom and did not argue this fact), so she read those lines while I read the rest. I quickly discovered that the difference between Donald in the Disney cartoons and Donald in the Disney books is that in the books they make no allowances for the sounds that Donald's voice can actually pronounce intelligibly. So I was trying to reach a happy medium of "sounds vaguely like Donald Duck" and "can be vaguely understood and does not coat the metroplex in an inch of spit". About three pages in I suddenly realized that I was now reading Mickey and Murderface Explore the Haunted Mansion. I spent the rest of the book trying to keep a cohesive character sound together without collapsing in a fit of hysterical giggling, because there is no way I'd be able to explain what was so funny.

Mickey: Are you... urinating on my shoes?
Murderface: Yes I am. *slams Bowie knife into wall* Do we have a problem?
Mickey: Ha-ha! Jeepers!
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