A. I can still do the splits without actually tearing anything. My thighs will hate me tomorrow, yes, but it's an out-of-practice hate and not a "separation of fibers and hematoma" hate, which means I'm not as badly out of practice as I thought.
B. Dude, I have a tub big enough for a nearly 6' person to do the splits in. ROCK!
If I keep being this optimistic, they're going to take away my stresspuppy license. ;D