Mel Hynes (takhisis) wrote,
Mel Hynes


In my totally-overwhelmed-and-fried-twitchiness-from-company/toddler/work/imminent parents/etc. weekend*, I've managed to re-play Phantasmagoria, because it falls in that lovely category of "just old enough that WinXP doesn't have problems with it."

I'd forgotten how over-the-top STUPID the main character is. She is apparently Ruling Queen Mother in the dimension that spawns idiot B-movie heroes/heroines, where the national flag is an attic door and the motto "DON'T GO IN THERE, YOU FOOL!"

I mean, seriously. Moving into Big Creepy-Ass House On Abandoned Island Where No One Can Hear You Scream, In The Dark, With No Rats' Asses... okay, I'd be guilty of that. Oh look Honey! There's a giant creepy torture device in the parlor! Logical response?

A. We're moving back to Michigan. Right the fuck now.
B. Let's drag this bad boy out into the barn and padlock the door until we can sell it on eBay, hmm?
C. How quaint! We simply MUST keep it there, Aunt Millie shall surely SQUEAL when she sees it!

Riiiight. Again, I'd probably be guilty of B, but that's still at least a leap of logic. Hey, there's a big-ass mirror on the wall of the parlor, I think I'll take a look! What's that? Strange writhing ectoplasmic shapes in the reflection of Said Torture Device, along with sounds of electricity and screaming?

B. Well, maybe I could, uh... fuck this, I'm getting a hotel and ringing up a paranormal expert and/or a priest.
C. Oh, how annoyingly distracting! *shifts ass to the left to block view* *continues fussing with hair and reapplying makeup*

And on, and on. I had to periodically stop and rant about the idiocy. "Oh golly, I found a freaky cathedral room behind a bricked-up fireplace, with an ancient box being weighted down by a big heavy book! I think I'll move the book and open the container, tum ti tum... EEK! A huge ghostly green thing shot out and vanished into the house! Deary me! Well, I guess I'll go to bed now. Tra la la..." I mean, really. See a roach? A mouse? Yeah, go to bed, call the exterminator tomorrow. Big snarling glowing demonic energy cloud? CONSIDER NAPPING ELSEWHERE.

I just got the game back from elina and jfalstaff at their faboo party a week or three ago, the circumstances of which were amusing.

Me: *takes large speech-preventing mouthful of cracker & hummus*
jfalstaff: Oh hey, here's your Hothead Paisan collection back, by the way.
Me: Mrg! *thumbs up gesture* Thinks: Oh wait, I neet to get Phantasmagoria back too! Um... *waves hands at jfalstaff*
jfalstaff: Huh?
Me: *pantomimes pushing buttons frantically on a game controller*
Me: *pantomimes stereotypical zombie hands*
Me: *bounce bounce lurch* GNRRRR!
jfalstaff: Oh right! Yeah, I'll go get that!
Me: *blink* I can't believe that worked.

*Freaked and brain-snapped to the point where I didn't get to go to veggiesteph's party, and I am Le Severe Sulk. I have much b'day hugs and schwag to give to you at the earliest opportunity.
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